My dearling Harland.
I remember your birth like it was yesterday.
They called your daddy into the hospital as it was time to meet you. You decided you didn’t want to be inside anymore and made it known. A little early, but you couldn’t wait. The twisting and turning was horrible, but it was time.
My doctors and specialists and anesthetists gathered and made the decision to bring you into the world, kicking and screaming. I think I did most of the screaming. You didn’t. You needed a lot of help to get going. We could have lost you…glad we didn’t.
You were so so tiny.
You were safe under the watchful eye of your daddy while the team worked on me. Trying to stop things that were bleeding, trying not to damage anymore organs, calling out for the on call team to come and fix the mess created when you entered the world.
The first day I only had your photo. I wanted to reach out and touch you so much. You looked so snugly wrapped up. Daddy had the cuddles while I couldn’t. It broke my heart not being there for you. Only a floor away but it felt like miles.
The first time I met you I cried. You were such a little thing. I was so weak there wasn’t much I could do for you except hold you. Someone else was feeding you. Changing you. Talking to you. It wasn’t fair.
Over the next week and a bit I gained some strength and made sure I was there more. A few ups and plenty of downs but nothing was keeping me from you. You got more and more of my milk. I pumped like a mother. You needed me so I pushed on.
Leaving hospital when you were just 13 days old was extraordinary. It felt like a jail break. I just wanted to be home with my family.
We had a few crazy weeks with me healing and many hospital visits. But we got there and finally everyone was well.
I have loved you before I met you. You have been an amazing addition to my life. Your brothers love you. Your daddy loves you. You have your moments but I couldn’t imagine life without you.
Happy first birthday Harland. Keep amazing us.