2016: the year that sucks the big one

Yes, I’m quite aware it’s not over yet but I’m over it. I may as well wrap it up now as what else can be thrown our way in the next few months?

This year has proven to be one of my hardest. Health issues for me, my baby and my family. 

Apart from having a highly stressful pregnancy which ended in spectacular fashion, ongoing issues for months, my husband and both older boys battling their own flu while I was trying to keep baby inside of me, my mother in law getting admitted to hospital, her sister having a stroke and my husband having to hot foot it down to Victoria to see her before she passed away while I was in hospital (she survived and is still going strong at 96!) My baby and I are now battling a bad case of the flu. 

Sadly this one has put him in hospital. This has smashed him and hard. For 3 weeks his little body has been battling and winning but 2 nights ago it was time to get help. 

We came in at 3am and stupidly hoping they would check him over, he would smile and they would send us on our way, it was not to be. 

His oxygen levels were low. A normal person has 100% oxygen. He was flipping between 88-95% depending on if he was sitting up or laying down. They put the little prongs up his nose and he sat comfortably on 95%. 

One of his other issues was his cough. It had been hanging around for weeks. We were lucky to have results negative to whooping cough. Do not look it up on You Tube. You will need tissues. He did come back positive for Influenza Type A. 

The third issue is feeding. He either won’t feed or very small feeds before screaming and coughing then passing out from exhaustion. For the last 3 days his wet nappies are few and far between. 

They like 2 mils per kilo of body weight per hour. So he weighs 6.8 kg (let’s round up to 7) so he needs 14 mils output each hour. So over a 6 hour period he should have approx 84 mils worth of wee. He has had 11-40 mils over this time. I love numbers….

This has become a concern. Dehydration in babies is dangerous. Over night we were woken every 2 hours for feeding. Worse than having a newborn! He had tiny feeds then back to sleep. I’m lucky he’s suck a good night sleeper. But still no out put. 

So this morning they had to insert a feeding tube and he’s currently on Hydralite to hopefully get those fluids back up. I’m on the pump as milk has to go somewhere. 

The next step and I really hope we don’t have to get there, is a cannula for fluids. I have first hand experience with cannula’s and wouldn’t wish that on my baby. 

The hospital has been wonderful. The staff have been amazing. They don’t advocate co-sleeping due to fall risk and I completely understand however it’s the only way we were to get rest. So bless them, they got us a bed and set us up and told me ‘just don’t drop him, get some sleep’. 

So now we wait. They have just reduced his oxygen and with any luck he can come off that today. Then he just needs to prove he can wet that nappy! Can’t wait to get me happy baby back.  


9 weeks…something adjusted

My littlest guy turns 9 weeks today. Feels like a lifetime, so much longer than 9 weeks. 

He is doing amazing. Growing, feeding great and sleeping. Having a baby that sleeps is a wonderful thing. Maverick was a horrible sleeper, 2.5 years of being a zombie. This one is awesome. Don’t want to rub it in…I hate those mothers.

But it’s given me a better chance to recover…or so we thought. 

After I had my non-infected stent removed at the beginning of the month, it all seemed like the health issues where done and dusted. My infection levels were coming down and liver function was heading back to normal. I slowly started having a few leaks. I thought it was a bad case of incontinence, it happens after baby comes. You do your pelvic floor, you deal with it. You cross your legs when you sneeze, and get on with life. 

Except it got worse. I was waking up covered in wee. Lovely right? I was soaking pads in under an hour. Changing clothes constantly. Lots of tears. Lots of washing. 

I saw my surgeon who agreed it wasn’t normal and sent me for a CT scan. The results showed a small hole in my bladder. Not good news. The urologist was pissed (pun intended) that this had happened after the last surgery and after all his test had shown no leakage. 

The decision was to have a catheter for awhile to see if it would heal itself. 

I’m on day 4 and already over it. A bag strapped to my leg all day, every day is just the shits. It makes it hard to move, to play with my kids and to sleep. And don’t get me started on bladder spasms. 

I have my next cystogram in 2 weeks which will hopefully show the hole has been fixed. If not, it will be back to the operating theatre. They said it wasn’t easy surgery either. Right now, anything is easier than what I’ve been through. 

When all this is over, I’m celebrating. Maybe a glass of bubbles. Maybe a whole bottle!

I’m just so pissed off

  Angry, mad and just over it. 

The last few days have gone from pretty shit to completely fucked. 

Thursday night I presented to emergency department with back and stomach pains. Given pain relief, had an X-ray and the doctor pretty much told me I was fine and sent me home after I’d sat there in pain for 7 hours. Gave me a script to fill the next day for relief. 

I never got it filled as my doctor said that it would go through the breastmilk and harm my baby. Apparently that’s not the case. 

So 11pm that night I woke to feed but I was in incredible pain. Took some normal panadol and went back to bed. 1.30 I woke in the worst pain. I’d had a disagreement with the husband that night so I didn’t want to wake him. Yes I know….it got to 2am and I did. 

I needed help. This was insane. We called the ambulance and they drugged me up and off we went. 

I had yet another cannula put in and bloods taken. Another urine test, which as it turns out wasn’t good. Even I could see that. Wee is supposed to be clear, not murky with floaties!

They decided I had a uti and we’re ready to discharge me when urology got on board. 

After many many hours I was sent for a CT scan when they entered a dye and checked all was working. It wasn’t. 

I was admitted. I couldn’t get into surgery that night but possibly Sunday. 

Sunday my amazing urology doctor took care of it. 

I was put under general again. He removed the stents. Once he took them out it all started flowing. The stents had become blocked causing wee to stay in my kidneys. This in turn has caused a massive kidney infection which has grown fungus type particles. Not what you want in your body. 

So once it was all released it started attacking the rest of me. My heart rate, blood pressure and pulse sky rocketed along with my temperature. They have all come back to normal now thankfully.

I’ve been on stupid strong antibiotics for 2.5 days. Strong pain killers. New pains have popped up. And now there’s talk of my liver not functioning properly. Oh and my wee is green! 

I’m so angry that this has happened. 

I’m so angry I can’t use my fucking hand due to cannula placement.  

I’m so angry that I’m not home sharing quality time with my family. 

Im so angry that all the safe medications I’m on are upsetting baby’s stomach. 

And I’m so very tired its crazy. 

Cystogram, I want one!


No you do not. 

It is not fun at all. 

Imagine having cold liquid pushed up your ureather and into your bladder. Then having it hurt and not being able to piss it out as you already have a catheter in that said liquid is being squirted in by. 

And the best thing? I have to have another one in May! Lucky for me I’ll be back under general for that one. How much fun does that sound?

But truly the best bit was when they said ‘we can’t see any leaks from your bladder or the ureter so let’s get that catheter out!’ 

Weeing had never felt so odd. Underwear has never felt so right (I haven’t worn any for 15 days) and I don’t have a bag of wee strapped to my leg! 

Today is ending on a good note. 

Day 13: welcome home!

Today we came home from hospital. Both of us. Leaving no one behind. 

And I couldn’t be happier. 

It has been a crazy 18 days and to think my little guy should still be on the inside for almost a month. 

There were tears upon leaving the NICU but not sad ones. It just felt weird after being in one place for so long, being told to enjoy my baby and head home. 

He has come a long way these last 13 days. From being born at 34 weeks 2 days to being allowed out at 36 weeks 1 day. He passed all his checks with flying colours and I am so thankful. 

He’s slept all afternoon, fed wonderfully and just been a delight. Ask me tomorrow how it’s going and I’m sure I’ll be answering differently. 

Me? I’m doing ok. I’ve come home with a catheter still in because of the damage done to my bladder. I get a cystogram done on Monday (where they put dye in my bladder and check for leaks) and a pelvic scan on Wednesday then a baby check Friday and a urology check for me that day too. So I’ll be spending more time at the hospital but it will be worth it to make sure I’m healthy. 

Our healthcare system really truly rocks. 

But overall I’m doing pretty good. I’m not sure how I’ll go mentally in the near future and I’m sure I’ll need some help along the way. Looking at my scar is heartbreaking. And I know it will fade over time, but scars are there forever and it will remind me of this shit time and what I went through to get my family.   

that’s a lot of staples that were in my stomach!

 Just glad I never have to go through this again. 

Day 3: hit by a bus

Then times that by about 68. That’s how I feel right now. 

What a fucking nightmare the last week has been. A roller coaster for sure, but scarier than you’ve even been on. 

It all went pear shaped on Saturday night. I’d been having small bleeds on and off since Tuesday but Saturday they decided to take me back upstairs for monitoring. Lucky they did. 

Around 10.30 (I think-things are quite groggy still) I sat up and started bleeding like a horror film. Covered the bed, the floor and it just wasn’t stopping. My husband was called in and we were told one more bleed it would all be done and surgery would happen. 

I didn’t bleed again but I started getting hot and sweaty and blacking out and vommitty. Signs things weren’t going well. The doctor made the right decision to call time for surgery. 

Of course I lost my mind. Baby is too small, I was totally not ready, but it had to be done. 

They worked amazingly fast to get me prepped. Once I was wheeled to theatre they had to get more cannulas in. Bigger ones. One thing I’ve learnt being in hospital is my veins don’t work. I was already up to 4 cannulas with 8 attempts in 5 days. After me screaming in pain the head lady kicked everyone out of the way and got a needle in. Said the rest can be done later. I’ve since counted 25 holes in my arms.  Not including my central line in my neck. 

the damage done to my arm during surgey. getting blacker by the day.

 Then the next thing I knew I was crying and being put to sleep. 

Waking up with a tube and oxygen is scary. My neck is still sore from it. I spent the first day in icu. It’s all a blur but I remember having the physio telling me to breathe deep and cough. Don’t know what that was about. I couldn’t see straight let alone cough! But that’s about it. My mum and husband were there and rightfully worried. 

I lost 5 litres of blood during the operation. That’s really all you have! So my blood belongs to others and for that I am eternally grateful. As the doctor said ‘you’re lucky to be alive.’ Pretty terrifying to hear that. 

When they got to my cervix to remove it, I was dilating and at 3cm. So the need for surgery was right. They couldn’t wait. It could have gone even more wrong!! I thank the doctors on that night for making the choice and being on the ball. 

They performed a hysterectomy, which we knew would happen, and I’m ok for now about it, but once they started removing my uterus my bladder was damaged along with my ureters. They have been repaired for now but who knows the on going issues I’ll face. 

Baby wasn’t breathing due to me being under general anathestic. But they got him going after 12 minutes apparently. But his oxygen levels were always good so there shouldn’t be issues. 

He’s doing great. I think he’s so tiny but my other boys have weighed over 4kg and this little guy is only 2.68kg. So a good deal less. But real baby size. I’m happy I make big baby’s. He came at 34.2 weeks so he’s got a bit of growing to do. He’s sleeping and eating and popping and I don’t have to do any of it. I’ve only had 3 cuddles so far as we are still trying to work out pain management. I am not tolerating the medications so it’s all a balancing act right now. 

Getting up and moving has been a huge struggle. I’m currently in a chair but feel like I could just fall on my face any moment. It’s a horrible feeling to be so out of control. But to get me better, to start breastfeeding and to get us home I’ve got to move. 

This won’t defeat me, I’m stubborn and this is just the next chapter in this insanely weird time of my life.