I’m one of “those” mums

Don’t hate me but….

My baby sleeps. Sleeps really well. 

Sleeps in his bed, in the pram, in the carrier, snuggled up with me…he sleeps!

Not the car…hates the car. 

And I love it. Who wouldn’t?

When Marshal was born I was so hung up on getting him to sleep and everything had to be by the book, it was exhausting. 

Maverick was a horrid sleeper from day 1 and it took him 2.5 years to sleep through the night. More exhausting. He is still exhausting. 

This one is just super! A dream child. I honestly get 7-9 hours sleep a night. Never felt better. Co sleeping is brilliant!!! He fusses, shove a boob in his mouth, back to sleep. Awesome. 

Yes, he has had a few nights where we end up watching shit movies at 3am and very little sleep, but probably no more than 10 nights. In 15 weeks. Granted I spent 3 weeks in hospital and 2 of those he was in NICU, but I think that’s pretty good. 

Plus he sleeps through all the noise. No need to tell the others to shut up as Harland just sleeps peacefully. 

And not only is he great at sleeping, he’s just content. He can be on the floor for ages! Happily laying there watching his brother bicker and carry on for a good hour before letting me know he’s done and ready for bed. 

A lot probably comes down to me being calmer. I’m not as stressed for some reason. I don’t watch the clock. Sleep is sleep no matter where he is. As long as he’s getting it and I’m not fighting him. 

Maybe he realises all the bullshit I went through to get him here and this is his present to me? Wouldn’t that be nice. Maybe that’s another reason why I’ve managed to heal quickly (it’s felt like forever but 15 weeks is pretty quick for what happened…)

I wonder if this lasts for long. Maybe it’s a premmie thing and next week all hell will break loose….here’s hoping it doesn’t. 


Back to sleep

Months ago I said to myself I didn’t want to co-sleep with this baby. I did it for over 2 years with Maverick and just didn’t want to do it again. 

But somehow I’ve ended up here again. 

And honestly, I don’t hate it. 

Having spent so long in hospital and away from Harland in those first few weeks, I feel this little guy needs a bit more loving and cuddles. He’s a great sleeper. Yes, he has his moments and there has been many nights that we’ve ended up on the couch watching shitty 2am movies, but he’s a gazillion times better sleeper than Maverick ever was. 

I tried to put him back to his bed in those first few weeks at home. I needed to rest and recover but soon figured out it was easier staying in bed than getting up hourly. Feeding him was easy and he (generally) went back to sleep after a feed. 

Plus it’s winter and freezing so staying in bed seemed like a better idea. 

So we are back to co-sleeping or bed sharing or sleeping as I like to call it. This is the first time I’m not sleep deprived. I’ve recovered quickly from the surgeries, and I think cuddling this little guy all night has helped with that. 

He seems happy with the deal. And I get to snuggle and smell and kiss him as much as I want. There can’t be anything bad about that. 

My little foodie

It’s been a LONG time since my last post. Why? Who knows. I am probably the worst blogger out there. The blogger that just doesn’t. If blogging paid, I’d be more broke than I am…

My boys are in bed, it’s quiet apart from the TV. I like night times. Bedtime. I count down to it. Once dinner is done it’s all downhill towards 7.30 when I finally get out of the boys room and I can actually enjoy a hot cuppa. A rare occurrence these days.

We have been lucky that Maverick has now decided to stay asleep ALL NIGHT until anytime between 4.20am and 6am. Later is nice, 4am starts don’t agree with anyone and there are many tears before 7am. A few from me, mostly from him. But co-sleeping has seemed to wean itself, and as happy as I am to finally get 6 hours of straight sleep a night, I do miss his cuddles and his little face in the mornings. I make up for this during the day. He such a snuggly little guy.

It only took him nearly 2.5 years, but we got there. And let me tell you, it’s been a long time.

He must dream about food. Sometime he wakes up yelling “banana bread” or “pineapple”. Maybe putting a lock on the fridge wasn’t such a bad idea. If he find’s his way out of the cot, I’m sure I’d find him in the fridge. He helps himself to food now. Last week he ate a whole cucumber and chomped into the tomatoes. At least it’s not rubbish food!!


The thoughts of going through it all again are still hanging around. I’m 50/50 on having another baby. Part of me says, “NO don’t do it, you’re almost through the shit fight, in 1.5 years and you will have 2 days a week to yourself…” but then I see newborns and my ovaries do backflips and I think “what’s another 2 years of no sleep…?” I like to think my number 3 will be my last chance to do it right. Mostly around the birth, but I’m sure I’m screwing the boys up in some form or other*, so one more go to get it right.

*I’m also sure ALL mothers think this at some point.

And I might just get my girl. That would be nice. A gentle girl who won’t tell fart jokes and sleeps like a champ from birth…I can dream right???

Want a poem?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Fuck you fuck you fuck you!!!

Good night!

Last night I slept alone…and it felt GOOD!

I’ve made the decision to put Marshal back in his bed, resettle Maverick when he wakes up and eventually get my husband back to our bed.

I haven’t slept next to him in months. It’s been weird. He keeps saying he feels like a guest, having to pull the sofa bed out each night. It’s sad actually. I miss him. We greet in the morning in the kitchen, eat breakfast and he goes to work.

Things have to change…

Maverick goes to bed a bit earlier so Marshal starts the night in our bed, then I move him when he’s asleep. It used to work great, then he got sick in April and never went back. I’ve tried everything to get him back there. Bought Thomas sheets, got night lights, showed him there’s nothing to be afraid of, shown him how the monitor works so he can call me, and even tried to bribe him with new trains. Nothing…

So last night Marshal ended up in his bed. I took the plunge, praying he slept past midnight without screaming the house down. I went to bed at around 10.30 after falling asleep on the couch, and stretched out. It felt really good to have more than 4 cm of bed, no one kicking me in the gut, head and back and a whole pillow to myself. I passed out in bliss.

I heard Maverick at 4.40am. He started yelling “mummy” but then must have seen Marshal in the bed, and started yelling “sarshal sarshal” over and over at the top of his lungs. Of course this woke Marshal and I ended up with 2 wide awake little boys jumping all over the bed at 4.45am. Today was a disaster. I had tears by 5.30am because I wouldn’t let them wake Daddy…tears at 6.00am because…well for some other reason. Then it was just a morning of tears. Luckily we had some friends over to keep them distracted until nap time.

And they both napped for 3 hours…even I got a sneaky hour in.

I’m going to try again tonight…wish me luck and another 6 hours undisturbed sleep. Let me tell you…I need it.

Musical beds.

It’s been musical beds at my place for the past few weeks.

First the toddler got sick, then the baby, then the husband. Then everyone was better, then I got sick and now both boys have snot dripping again. Sigh.

When the toddler was sick he liked being in bed with my husband. So I went to the toddlers bed with the baby. Then when he was on the mend, and the baby got sick, it was me and the baby in my bed, the toddler in his and the husband on the sofa bed. Now it’s back to me in the toddlers bed. Following?


I don’t mind it, that part of the house is lovely and quiet. I think I sleep better overall. But sharing a single bed with a baby who doesn’t stop moving is hard. I’m glad I got a full sized bed and a good mattress, not just a toddler bed!

Two nights ago, he had an incredibly restless night. Did not stop moving all night. Drove me crazy. At around 3, I must have actually fallen into a deep sleep only to be woken by the baby crying. He wasn’t next to me. I got up. He had climbed over me, out of bed and was running down the hallway. He ran straight to me and came back to bed. I’m still laughing.

I think when he goes into his own big bed, we are in for a treat.

Normally I move the toddler into his own bed once he’s asleep. Lately he’s been waking at about 10 crying and not going back to sleep until he is next to dad. So I just cut out the effort and now I just go to his bed to sleep.

I’m hoping one day soon we can all get some sleep in our own beds. I miss my bed, don’t miss the snoring from the husband, and very over the co-sleeping. Who’d think being a family was to be so full of fun?

Up all night.

It’s 3am on the 3rd of January. I’m sitting in the rocking chair in the baby’s room, he is kicking around the cot, not sleeping. Normally I’d take him and co-sleep, but I’m over it. Over being kicked constantly in the gut all night. Over being woken every 30 minutes by him screaming. Neither my husband or I are getting any sleep.

I feel like I’m playing Survivor. Got to out wit, out play and seriously out last this kid.

We’ve been going on over 1.5 hours, he won’t sleep. A few times I’ve made it back to bed. The longest it lasted was 4 minutes. I’ve tried music, rocking, patting, more rocking, but he knows when I leave and those little eyes spring open, the legs start kicking and the vocals come. Closely followed by my not so pleasant vocals…

Why the hell won’t his eyes stay closed? Why won’t he stop moving? Always kicking, always moving, constantly. Driving me mad.

There isn’t much to do at 3am except think and surf the internet. You can only google “why the fuck won’t my baby sleep” so many times, so I think. I think about where I went wrong with this one. Why won’t he sleep? Is it because of breastfeeding? Did I do too much picking up and cuddling in the last 11 months? Or do I purely have a kid that just won’t sleep?

Just passed the 2 hour mark. I’m tired. This kid is tired, he can’t hold his head up. He is trying. Standing up, talking, falling down, lying down, nope back up again. Sigh.

To the lounge we go. I’ve given up.

4am I am able to place him back in his cot. FINALLY!! Now for me to sleep…let’s hope night 2 isn’t as long.

The unwilling co-sleeper

For 9 long months I have struggled with the baby and sleep. Neither of us has had much shut eye. It has been the major part of our days together. There have been lots of fights, frustration and tears…from both of us.

a sleeping baby

a sleeping baby

The baby doesn’t sleep very well, he is a restless little thing. Forever moving, never stops. The term they use is catnapping. Seriously? Have you seen a cat sleep? Don’t they sleep for 20 hours a day? And pretty sure they don’t wake up screaming after 20 minutes…

When he was younger, he would fall asleep on me. Be it feeding, rocking, or whatever. I guess he just preferred it…(I can hear some people nodding furiously) but I always thought babies should learn to sleep in their own bed from day one. That’s the right way, right? I would forever be putting him in his bed only to have him wake up and cry. It was crazy. I’d have to resettle all over again, which sometimes could take hours…yes that is no exaggeration.

I wouldn’t say I was totally against co-sleeping, but it wasn’t for me. I believe what ever works for you and your family, then so be it. It’s no concern of others. I also believe you should not push your beliefs on others. There are too many “suggestions” for mothers as it is…

I’m not exactly sure when it started, but it did, and it saved everyone. We are now the unwilling co-sleeping family.

I’ve had advice from many healthcare workers not to rock, feed, pat to sleep as they won’t learn to sleep and get sleep associations. Honestly, I tried everything to get him to sleep by himself. He just wouldn’t. I didn’t want him to cry it out as that really achieves nothing but stress on everyone, so I went back to rocking, feeding and patting. Maybe I was expecting too much. The toddler is a great sleeper, so why isn’t this one?

all cuddled up

all cuddled up

Over Easter, the baby was awake and crying for 13 hours straight. He was 2 months old. I was home alone with the boys, and at my wits end. I needed help. It took a lot for me to ask for it. I felt I’d failed at being a mum, as I couldn’t get my baby to sleep. I had nurses around to help with settling techniques. They were cocky, but didn’t win the battle. What they tried, I had done. It felt better knowing it wasn’t just me. We were sent to a sleep centre for a week, and while we were there, the baby was a champion. He put himself to sleep, slept for hours for the first time. The night we came home it all unraveled and it’s been shit ever since. That was 6 months ago.

I was told many, many times to do whatever I can to survive. So I did. I started feeding him to sleep all the time, even if he’d just fed. I rocked him to sleep, then finally, I brought him in to my bed. Being exhausted, it was easier to settle him, he fed and fell asleep. Sometimes I would wake up with him sneaking in a quiet feed. Cheeky bugger…

I wish someone told me earlier to try co-sleeping. I was at the point where I would try anything.

Sleeping is a family job

Sleeping during the day

It got to the point where he would start in his bed at night, then at the next feed around 10, he would come in with me, feed and both of us would fall asleep. We would wake up hours later. It worked, we got some sleep.

The time came for us to end our sleeping arrangements, so one weekend while the husband was away, I stuck to my guns and kept putting him back in his cot. By night 3 he was sleeping til 5 or 6 am by himself. Wonderful! It stayed this way for a few weeks.

Slowly we have somehow returned to our co-sleeping arrangements. It drives me crazy as he kicks, cries and moves all night. I’m forever feeding, sometimes without knowing it! It’s exhausting. I’m over it. But it’s easier having him curled up in my arms for those 3am feeds than hauling myself out of bed.

sometimes I get both of them

sometimes I get both of them. sleeping is a family thing

I don’t follow all the safe sleeping guidelines, I probably should be more diligent with SIDS and all. Many times I’ve found him snuggled too far under covers, almost being rolled on by his dad, we sleep on the lounge together, lucky he hasn’t fallen off. I’ve got rashes on my arms from him sweating, found a hickey on my boob from him misjudging where stuff is, but he smells adorable and I love waking up to the coo’s and ga’s in the early morning. Early being 5am (if I’m lucky for that small sleep in…)

One day I will get him back to his bed. He is only a baby. It’s not like he’s going to be there forever. If he’s still in our bed when he’s 14, I might have a word to him…

So peaceful

So peaceful…finally