Up all night.

It’s 3am on the 3rd of January. I’m sitting in the rocking chair in the baby’s room, he is kicking around the cot, not sleeping. Normally I’d take him and co-sleep, but I’m over it. Over being kicked constantly in the gut all night. Over being woken every 30 minutes by him screaming. Neither my husband or I are getting any sleep.

I feel like I’m playing Survivor. Got to out wit, out play and seriously out last this kid.

We’ve been going on over 1.5 hours, he won’t sleep. A few times I’ve made it back to bed. The longest it lasted was 4 minutes. I’ve tried music, rocking, patting, more rocking, but he knows when I leave and those little eyes spring open, the legs start kicking and the vocals come. Closely followed by my not so pleasant vocals…

Why the hell won’t his eyes stay closed? Why won’t he stop moving? Always kicking, always moving, constantly. Driving me mad.

There isn’t much to do at 3am except think and surf the internet. You can only google “why the fuck won’t my baby sleep” so many times, so I think. I think about where I went wrong with this one. Why won’t he sleep? Is it because of breastfeeding? Did I do too much picking up and cuddling in the last 11 months? Or do I purely have a kid that just won’t sleep?

Just passed the 2 hour mark. I’m tired. This kid is tired, he can’t hold his head up. He is trying. Standing up, talking, falling down, lying down, nope back up again. Sigh.

To the lounge we go. I’ve given up.

4am I am able to place him back in his cot. FINALLY!! Now for me to sleep…let’s hope night 2 isn’t as long.