Week 32: the count down is on

I’ve always had the belief that babies should a) be pushed out and b) choose their own birthday.

Being an almost third time c section mamma, I know this is not always possible and things don’t go to plan. Fuck, zero of my births have gone anywhere near the plans I wanted. It makes me wonder why I even bothered with the “birth plan” I was told to write. 
When Marshal was born and I started getting sick, I remember feeling pretty shitty that this wasn’t in the plan. I was supposed to push baby out and walk out and take him home. A lovely bitchy midwife snapped at me “well what does this tell you? Don’t plan!” She was the same midwife who was there for my first breastfeeding experience. 5 years on I still want to punch her. 

So today when I was given the delivery/operation date, I actually had no idea how to feel about it. Both my boys have come when they wanted. Yes, Marshal was late and Maverick came early, but they were ready. Yes, both ended in c sections, but it was when they were ready. 

I’m glad there is a final date set and I can now plan and count down the days. But it just feels weird/odd to have your babies birth date chosen. They get to chose nothing else. Their name is given, how they are fed is decided for them, the day they come into this world should be up to them. 

And I know there are circumstances that need medical intervention, like accreta, previa and more and yes, I am thankful for modern medicine otherwise I wouldn’t be here to have my third baby. But it doesn’t change my beliefs. 

It’s been hard enough coming to terms with never having a natural birth, and I still get upset about it. I’m still allowed to have beliefs about how I think things should go, no one can change that. It might seem hypocritical to think one thing and have gone through a totally different situation, but mine wasn’t by choice. I have never tried harder at anything than I did to get those baby’s out. 

I guess this time the plan is simple. Get baby out and don’t die. I’m sure the rest will fall into place on its own. 

I’m actually glad that I NEVER ever have to go through anything like this again. No more ‘oh no’s’. My beliefs can stay with me, and I never have to plan another birth again. 

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