Today I visited a friend who has a newborn. She also has a toddler.
I asked ‘so do you love it?’
Her reply was ‘um actually…no’.
She went on to say she was over cleaning and feeding and dressing and chasing and was still waiting for the fun to start. She enjoyed being a mum, but she didn’t love it. I saw her pain.
It got me thinking about it. And you know what? I actually feel similar. I like the fact that I am able to stay home and raise my boys, but do I love it? Do I love being just a mum? Do I really love staying home and parenting?
Simple answer – no.
I often think that the bliss of parenting has skipped me completely. People told me when I was pregnant that I’d love it. That it would be the best thing I ever did.
But who loves wiping bums? Who loves picking up mess all day? Who loves screaming at their kids and feeling guilty for it? Who loves preparing food for it to just go to waste? Who loves not being able to go out whenever you want without feeling like the worlds worst mother?
No one. That’s who. Absolutely no one. If you said yes, then I reckon you’re lying.
It’s not fun, it’s hard and stressful. And a really shitty fucked up job. You don’t get paid, you don’t get annual leave because the kids are always there. Holidays are just the same shit different postcode. Sick leave is non existent because if mum gets sick then the whole world falls apart.
Please, I love my family. I do. I guess I was wanting it to be better than it really is. No one can prepare you for motherhood. No one tells you that you cry often, that it’s so exhausting that you just sit in silence some days after the kids are in bed just to be alone.
I’m actually glad I’m not the only one that feels like this.
I’m waiting to see the light and hoping it comes soon because I’m ready for a change in career.