Where’s the reset button?

Sometimes I think I’m not made for parenting. I realised tonight that I really have no idea how to raise kids. I’ve seriously got zero idea what I’m doing.

Every day seems like I’m battling the toddler. We clash constantly. He’s stubborn, like me. He doesn’t listen, he ignores me, he’s 3…maybe I’m asking too much. He tells me he hates me, hates his brother. Tells me to go away, stop talking to him. Where did I go wrong?

He won’t try new food, so he goes without (I’m not making 2 meals). Today he ate 2 bread rolls because he wouldn’t eat the real potato chips I made, or the fish fingers made with actual fish! The baby is new so he’s fine eating anything. But the toddler, we fight about it. Every single night it seems.

There’s crying from both of us. Tantrums because I ask him to pick up his toys. Tantrums when I end up picking them up, frustrated. Sometimes I want to throw everything out so I never have to pick up a toy again. Sometimes I just want to scream. Just scream loud.

I love this kid like crazy. We always end up ‘friends’ again, and I love giving him hugs and kisses. I love bed time. When he’s finally away, safe and quiet. It’s the countdown I look forward to every night.

Why are children so difficult? Why do they have to test the boundaries? Why do they have to push and push and push us parents until we almost snap? When will it end? When will they think, ‘ok, I’ve pushed mum enough today, she’s I tears, maybe I should eat my food and pick up my mess.’ Wishful thinking?

I’m hoping the years to come get easier. I’m hoping in 2 years I don’t have to go through all this with the baby. Maybe he will skip this horrible stage. More wishful thinking I’m sure…

I need a new tactic with him. Tomorrow, every time he gets angry, I’m going to hug him. Hug him hard. Not let go until he’s either screaming or giggling. I’m going to keep doing it. I’m going to keep calm. I’m going to tell him constantly that I love him.

For now he’s sleeping. There’s no yelling, tears, tantrums. Quiet! I’m going to steal one last goodnight kiss. He’s such a great kid…especially when he sleeps…

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