The man who was never there.

The last time I saw my father I was almost 15. My younger brother and I went to stay with him for 6 months. We were to go to school, make friends and pretend everything was normal. His wife hated us. Made it very uncomfortable to be happy.

The second day of the new school, I hated it. He packed us up and sent us back to mum. I think we were there for 3 weeks, maybe 4. Could have been only 2…

He left when we were little. I’m not 100% sure of the circumstances, I might have blocked it from my mind. I should ask my mum one day. For years we would go to stay with him on weekends. If one of us got sick, back to mum we went. If it got too hard, r his new girlfriend was there, back to mum we went. He finally moved to Tasmania, we didn’t see him until that time we were meant to stay.

After that, we didn’t hear from him for years. I sent him a letter when I went to be an Au Pair in America. He told me he hated me being their, that people were selfish. I never understood it. He wasn’t happy that I was traveling, seeing the world. No words of encouragement. When I got back, I wrote him a pretty angry letter. I think I even told him I hated him. He spat back, writing a viscous one to me. I burnt that letter with lots of tears. I didn’t contact him again.

Until recently…my older brother had a daughter last year. He sent our father a birth announcement. Surprisingly he wrote back. It was a nice-ish email. I thought, what’s the harm in contacting him, letting him know I got married, had 2 boys. The venom in his reply, well, it was hurtful to say the least. No congratulations, no well wishes. Just pure anger. Saying I’m leading a secret life and I’ve been written out of the will. I didn’t bother with a reply. Wasn’t worth my time.

This comes from the man who met a new woman, married her the day between my brothers birthdays and didn’t tell us. Secret lives? Really? He could have looked us up. Could have contacted us. But he chose not too.

I often wonder what would have happened if my parents stayed together. Would my brothers and I, and my mum, be happy? Our lives would probably be more strict and guided. I’m sure we wouldn’t have done half the things we have done.

Personally, and I probably speak for my brothers, that I’m glad he left. I’m glad we don’t see him. He has proven to me that he doesn’t deserve to be a grandfather and father. He has missed out on 5 children, yes I have 2 half brothers out there somewhere. Missed out on 3 grand kids, that I know of. Missed out on love, laughter and life. It’s his loss.

I’ve got my mum, my brothers, my husband, my kids and my friends. There’s no room left for him in my life anymore…

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